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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29150505">Out of the Cage</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitana/pseuds/mitana'>mitana</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Stay in the Car Chronicles [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Scarecrow and Mrs. King</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Divorce, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:14:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,161</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29150505</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitana/pseuds/mitana</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Amanda learns to stand up for herself.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Amanda King and Joe King</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Stay in the Car Chronicles [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2137956</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Out of the Cage</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Time for a little Amanda perspective.  This one-shot is set pre-series, December 1981.  I’ve been in Amanda’s shoes: marriage not working out, realizing she’s lost who she was before her marriage, two boys to take care of.  One of these things is about to change.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Disclaimer: I don’t own Scarecrow and Mrs. King and no copyright infringement is intended.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>December 22, 1981</em>
</p><p>It was The Last Straw.</p><p>The Very Last.</p><p>Joe could just go jump off a cliff, that’s what he could do.  Just jump off a cliff.  Or take a flying leap.  Or go fly a kite.  She didn’t really care at this point. </p><p><em>Oooh</em>, he made her so mad.  How could a man that she had been so in love with have turned into this <em>stranger</em>? </p><p>She remembered back to their college days when they had both been so young and idealistic.  They were going to Change The World.  They were In Love, and the future stretched out before them in all it’s glorious possibility.  She admired his intelligence, his drive, and his desire to help others.  He admired her caring nature (<em>to help him with his schoolwork</em>), her enthusiasm (<em>working to support them while he was in school</em>), and her beauty (<em>to charm his way into the good graces of his bosses</em>). </p><p>Okay, maybe hindsight was jading her outlook a little, but she felt a bit used.  She had worked hard to support them while he was in school; minimum wage jobs that left her exhausted at the end of the day.  Afterward, she’d come home and make dinner.  And when she finished cleaning up the dishes, she’d hit the typewriter to type up his notes and assignments. All while he hit the books to study or went to bed so he would be fresh for his classes the next day. It was no wonder she could type 90 words a minute.  She’d developed the skill out of sheer survival, just so she’d have time to sleep.</p><p>And then, once he graduated and passed the Bar, she’d played the Perfect Wife, dressing up and making nice so that he looked like a good, stable prospect to his bosses.  Partner Potential.</p><p>But that didn’t really matter in the end, since Joe was such a Good Guy.  He wasn’t trying to climb the ladder.  He wanted to Help People.</p><p>And she became a mother.  She loved it.  She couldn’t imagine her life without Philip.  She spent her days taking care of her son, taking care of the house, taking care of her husband.  She did her <em>wifely duties</em>, and soon, Jamie came along.  Two sons to love and take care of.  And more housework, more laundry, and still more Joe.</p><p>She convinced herself that she was satisfied, content, <em>fulfilled</em>. She loved it, she had signed up for it, she had agreed to it. She loved Philip and Jamie and would <em>never</em> give them up.  She loved Joe, too.  After all, he was a good guy and a Good Provider, even if it meant that he worked long hours and she was at home by herself with the boys.</p><p>Sometimes she took the boys to the park and she sat and talked with other moms.  Sometimes her parents visited (Daddy was retired, and he loved seeing his grandsons).  Other times she called her mother on the phone.  It was important to have other adults to talk to, or she might have gone insane. </p><p>But then Daddy died.  And for a while things were crazy with grief, and funerals, and legal paperwork (at least Joe came in handy for that).  Her mother was inconsolable, and Amanda found herself handling a lot of the details.  But she had loved her father (she was a Daddy’s Girl, through and through), and was determined to do the best she could for him.  She pushed everything else down, back into the recesses of her consciousness.  She just had to take care of her mother, and the boys, and Joe.</p><p>When Joe got the job offer from the EAO, he was Thrilled. Finally, an Opportunity To Help. <em>Let’s go, Amanda, just you, me, and the boys.  It’ll be great, Amanda. We can be together, and I can Help.</em></p><p>No, no, no.  She finally put her foot down.  NO. Those places were dangerous.  The boys needed stability.  Philip was in school.  No.  Joe was just going to need to go By Himself.  She thought, just maybe, that he would change his mind.  After all, Joe was a good guy. He loved his kids.  He loved her.  He told her so.</p><p>Then he left. And really, she had been surprised to find, her life didn’t change that much.  Except there was one less person she had to care for.  So really, in many ways, his leaving made her life easier.  Now she just had to take care of her mother and take care of the boys.  No more Joe.</p><p>She invited her mother to come live with them.  It offered them all a chance to support each other.  The boys now had two loving adults to take care of them, her mother was no longer alone, and Amanda had another adult to talk to in the house.  Plus, her mother took on some of the housekeeping chores, and now that Jamie was in school full-time, it left Amanda with something she had had precious little of before now.</p><p>Time.  Time to relax, time to read, time to dream.  Time to remember who she had been before Joe, and being a wife, and being a mother.</p><p>She found that she didn’t know how to be herself anymore.  Her identity had been so wrapped up in her family responsibilities, that a break from those responsibilities left her at loose ends.</p><p>When she thought about it, she realized she had to cast her mind back to high school to find her solitary dreams again.  Ones not related to Joe.  In college she had been involved in cheerleading, and her sorority, and classes. And then she had met Joe.  So what had high school Amanda been like? What had <em>her</em> dreams been?  How far back did she need to go to find her true self?</p><p>She had always loved animals, and during her junior and senior years in high school, she had convinced her mother to let her volunteer at the animal shelter two days a week.  She had also loved to write, and had written all kinds of stories about explorers, spies, and romance. There were issues that she had cared about: the environment, the arts, community involvement, homelessness…  All of these things had been left behind in her care of her family.</p><p>She’d been trying to get more involved and had contacted a few charities.  She’d gone to a couple meetings and felt her enthusiasm grow; the other volunteers had welcomed her input and she felt accomplished when her ideas were used and appreciated.  She had been a happier and more loving mother and daughter as she stopped feeling so constrained.  She had smiled more, laughed more, talked more.  She had started to feel free, like she was pushing past the boundaries that had been imposed on her, becoming herself again.  A butterfly after metamorphosis, learning to fly.</p><p>And then Joe had called, with his little butterfly net, trying to capture and imprison her again. The EAO was reassigning him, and he was going to be home for a couple weeks, right before Christmas.  He had a couple company parties he wanted to go to, and she needed to go with him.  She had sighed, but the boys were thrilled that Daddy was going to be home, and she supposed the events she had been planning to go to for her charities could take a back seat for a few weeks while Joe was home.  He was still her husband, after all, and she did have an obligation to him…</p><p>The thought that Joe was an obligation should have been a sign of her changing feelings.  But it was just How Things Were for now, and Joe would leave soon enough, back on another crusade to Save The World.  She could get back to being herself when he left again. So, she called the event coordinators at the two charities she had volunteered at and told them she wouldn’t be at their fundraisers after all.  She felt like she was letting them down and started feeling a little resentful that Joe’s causes should take priority over hers.  Why should she be at his beck and call, expected to drop things that were important to her when he insisted on it?</p><p>She was determined to discuss these thoughts with Joe when he returned.  Maybe they could come to a compromise about which events she would go to. Surely, he could manage one of his parties without her.  Meanwhile, she was also determined to make this Christmas a fun time for the boys.  They rarely got to see their father and they were looking forward to it so much. They had been drawing pictures and making ornaments for him, and asking about activities they wanted to do with him when he was here.  They had talked to him on the phone and he had encouraged their enthusiasm, describing everything he wanted to do. They had put off decorating the tree, or even buying the tree, until Joe got there because he wanted to be in on all the fun.</p><p>He was supposed to get home on December 18<sup>th</sup>, a week before Christmas, which was a Friday.  The plan was for them to go out and get the tree the following day so that they could decorate it and have it up for the week (okay, six days) before Christmas Day.  It was later than she liked to do it, but it would be so much fun for the boys to have Joe there when they decorated it, so she was okay with the plan.</p><p>He called that day, December 18<sup>th</sup>, and announced that there was an emergency that he needed to take care of and that he should be home in a couple of days.  No later than December 22<sup>nd</sup>, he said.  Maybe she should go buy the tree and he could still be there to decorate it.  Or if they really wanted to, they could decorate it without him.  She left it up to the boys, and they decided to wait until Daddy got there. They went out that day and were able to buy a nice tree; the volunteers at the tree lot helpfully tied it to the roof of the station wagon. They had a somewhat more difficult time getting it into the house and set into the tree stand with just her and her mother, but they eventually got it to work. It was nice to have the tree in the house, even with no decorations; the evergreen scent brought back memories of Christmases past, and the boys strung the lights, deciding that they wanted to at least do that, even if they waited on the ornaments until Joe got there.</p><p>One positive of Joe not getting there on the 18<sup>th</sup> was her being able to go to one of her two charity fundraisers and help out.  She enjoyed herself and ended up talking to one of the other volunteers, finding that the woman had a lot of shared interests with her.  She suggested another charity group that Amanda should check out, and also had some information about getting the boys involved in scouting. </p><p>The other fundraiser party that she had wanted to go to was scheduled for the 22<sup>nd</sup> and Joe was still planning to go to his company party that night with her, so she regretfully confirmed with the event coordinator that she would not be there, and they found a replacement for her.</p><p>She and her mother had taken the boys out and done some of the Christmas activities they had planned on doing with Joe, since he wasn’t there, and the boys had been excited about them. They had also done a little last-minute Christmas shopping, though Amanda and her mother had both finished the majority of it months before. The boys each picked out a small gift for Joe and they had wrapped the gifts themselves, with a little help from Amanda.</p><p>Amanda had sewn herself one formal dress to wear to her two fundraisers, but when Joe had insisted that she go with him to two parties, she had gone out and bought a second one, since she knew he wouldn’t want her to go in the same dress twice. She had worn the store-bought one to her charity fundraiser and was planning on wearing her homemade one to the party with Joe, since she thought it was the nicer of the two.</p><p>Joe’s flight was due into Dulles at eight o’clock in the morning on the 22<sup>nd</sup>. Amanda got ready to leave for the airport early, knowing that holiday traffic was going to make things extremely hectic.  Luckily, there had been no appreciable snow for the last few weeks, and it was a little warmer today than it had been lately, staying above freezing.  She left the house and made it to the airport with time to spare, so she parked and went into the terminal to wait for him.</p><p>She was people-watching and not really paying attention to the time when she realized Joe’s plane should have already landed.  She looked around and found the arrivals board, which claimed his plane had landed 10 minutes before.  She walked over to baggage claim, thinking maybe they had just missed each other in the crowds. There were a lot of people waiting for their luggage, but she didn’t see Joe.  As suitcases started appearing on the carousel, people started grabbing their bags and in only five minutes, the crowds had thinned considerably.  She still didn’t see Joe, and there were only a few suitcases still making their rotation on the carousel.  Puzzled, she waited a few more minutes, and then decided to call home.  Maybe her mother had heard from Joe.  Maybe he hadn’t understood she was coming to pick him up and had taken a cab.  Or maybe he had called the house with information about where he’d be.</p><p>She found a payphone and called home. Her mother answered and said Joe had called only five minutes after she had left. He hadn’t wanted to call too early in the morning and had thought Amanda would still be there. He said that at the last minute, he had been called to an emergency meeting which had ended up running too long, causing him to miss his plane. He also explained that he had tried to get another flight out, but that there were no seats available until the 25<sup>th</sup>, which would get him home on the 26<sup>th</sup>. Amanda quietly thanked her mother and hung up.</p><p>She. Was. Furious. </p><p>It was The Last Straw.</p><p>The Very Last.</p><p>**SMK**</p><p>She arrived home, calmly locking the car door and shutting it. She walked around back and went in that way, hoping to avoid the boys for a few minutes while she figured out a way to tell them that their dad wasn’t going to be home for Christmas.  Her mother had thought that the news should come from their mother rather than their grandmother, so they still didn’t realize anything was wrong.</p><p>Dotty was in the kitchen making a late breakfast for everyone when Amanda came through the door. As her daughter carefully closed the back door, noiselessly walked to and eased open the coat closet and silently hung up her coat, then placed her purse on the shelf where she usually kept it, Dotty grew more worried.  She took a closer look at Amanda’s body language.  She was moving carefully, more slowly than her usual burst of energy allowed, and her hands were clenched.  Her lips were tightly pressed together and her eyes blazed intently. </p><p>She sat down at the table, took in a deep breath of air, and slowly let it out.</p><p>“I’m done.”</p><p>Dotty turned off the burner, then sat down across from her daughter.  “Joe?”</p><p>Amanda nodded, staring at the table sightlessly. After a moment, she took a cleansing breath and looked up to meet her mother’s eyes.</p><p>She shook her head, then spoke in a low voice that carried no farther than her mother’s ears.  “This is no kind of marriage. We’re virtually strangers.  We have nothing in common anymore except the boys and a last name. He has, for all intents and purposes, abandoned us.  We need to end the lie.  I’m tired of pretending. I’m done playing the doting wife.  I’m not going to hold my tongue anymore.”</p><p>Dotty stared at her daughter with wide eyes, placing her hand on top of her daughter’s.</p><p>“When he gets here, I’m going to talk to Joe about getting a divorce. I’m not going to let him talk me out of it.  I’m going to tell him exactly what I think.  Keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself and not speaking up when something is bothering me, just to keep the peace, has not helped anything.”</p><p>She gave her mother a tight smile. “I like myself better when Joe is not around.  I’ve learned that about myself over the last couple of months.”</p><p>She took another deep breath, then stood up.  “Now.  I’ve got to go tell two little boys that their dad isn’t going to be here for Christmas.”</p><p>**SMK**</p><p>By the time Joe actually showed up on the 26<sup>th</sup>, her anger had died and been replaced by a sad, weary resignation.  Her determination to end the marriage had not waned.  Her resolve to speak her mind was held firmly in place.  It went against her habit of avoiding confrontation with Joe, but since that practice seemed to have facilitated the communication failures that had led to this situation, it seemed appropriate that she should rid herself of that habit.</p><p>Her mother had taken the boys out for the day, taking them to see a movie and go out to lunch.  So, it was just the two of them in the house.  Just her.  And Joe.  There was no ‘Joe and Amanda’ anymore.</p><p>As they sat down side-by-side on the couch, Amanda’s heart was pounding and her hands were shaking.  What she was about to say was going to change everything.</p><p>“Joe, I have something to say, and I hope that you will hear me out before saying anything.”</p><p>He nodded, looking more and more concerned.  “Okay.”</p><p>She grabbed both of his hands and squeezed them.  Looking in his eyes, she took a deep breath and let it out.  “Sweetheart, I want a divorce.”</p><p>The concerned look on Joe’s face changed abruptly to shock, his eyes widening and his mouth opening, though nothing came out.</p><p>“I think you know that we haven’t really been a couple for a long time.  We don’t live together, we don’t share the same goals or priorities, and you are completely focused on your career.” She squeezed his hands again.  “We don’t even know each other anymore.”</p><p>“I—I don’t—Is there someone else? Have you found someone else?”</p><p>She pulled her hands away from his.  “If you believe that, then you really <em>don’t</em> know me.”</p><p>Joe closed his eyes and let out a sigh.  Opening them, he met hers.  “I’m sorry.  That was a stupid thing to say.  I <em>do</em> know that you wouldn’t do that. I just wasn’t expecting this.”</p><p>“I understand that.  But I think that’s really the core of the problem.  You expect me to just be okay with the situation the way it is, and I’m not.” She bit her lip, struggling with how to explain her thoughts. “Joe, the primary reason people get married is for companionship. Because they like being around each other.  Because out of everyone in the world, that other person is the one they’d choose to spend their life with.”</p><p>Joe’s expression was beginning to match Amanda’s sad resignation. </p><p>“You haven’t chosen to be my life’s companion for years, Joe.  And I think that I deserve to be someone’s choice.”</p><p>This time, Joe reached out and grabbed Amanda’s hands.  “I understand.” His voice was soft, accepting.  “I—” he sighed.  “I know that this isn’t the life you signed up for when we got married.  And even though I wish things could be different…” He blew out a slow stream of air, accepting what she was asking for.  “You deserve to be happy.”</p><p>Her eyes glistening with unshed tears, she nodded, then leaned in and hugged him.  “I’ll always love you, Joe.”</p><p>“And I’ll always love you, Amanda.”</p><p>**SMK**</p><p>By the time Joe left at the beginning of January, they had started the process.  Joe contacted a friend of his who was a divorce attorney, and they got the paperwork started. It would take a while for everything to be finalized, but by Christmas next year, everything would be official. </p><p>They had also had a difficult talk with the boys, but since their everyday lives would change very little, it didn’t have as big an effect as it would for a lot of families. </p><p>Coming home after dropping Joe off at the airport, Amanda flopped down on the couch.  She closed her eyes and let her body sink into the cushions, listening to the silence.  The boys were in school, and her mother was who-knows-where.  She felt deflated.  The last few weeks had been so full of emotion, and now she just felt empty. </p><p>She heard her mother come into the room and felt the couch shift as she sat down next to her.</p><p>After a few minutes of sitting companionably silent, Dotty asked, “Are you alright?”</p><p>She didn’t answer the question right away. “This whole thing has been difficult, but it was necessary.  We were stuck in a place that wasn’t good for either of us. I’ve learned something from this, Mother.  I’m happy being myself.  I want to learn who I am without another person influencing me.  I’m okay being alone until I figure that out.  And when I do get out there again, I’m not going to settle.  I’m not going to give up <em>myself</em> for another man.  He’ll have to take me as I am, or I won’t have him.”</p><p>Dotty patted her knee.  “Good for you, darling.”</p><p>Amanda took a deep breath and let it out.  Yes, she did feel empty.  But empty was a good place to start.  Empty was light, and full of possibility.  She thought of the satisfaction she had felt working with the charities over the last couple of months, and how happy it had made her to be getting back to who she had been, and who she would become.</p><p>She placed her hand on top of her mother’s, where it still sat on her knee. “I’m fine, Mother.  And soon, I’ll be even better.”</p><hr/><p><strong> <em>Brave</em> </strong> <em> by Jack Antonoff and Sara Bareilles</em></p><p>
  <em>You can be amazing<br/>You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug<br/>You can be the outcast<br/>Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love<br/>Or you can start speaking up<br/>Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do<br/>When they settle 'neath your skin<br/>Kept on the inside and no sunlight<br/>Sometimes a shadow wins<br/>But I wonder what would happen if you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Say what you wanna say<br/>And let the words fall out<br/>Honestly I wanna see you be brave</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With what you want to say<br/>And let the words fall out<br/>Honestly I wanna see you be brave</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just wanna see you<br/>I just wanna see you<br/>I just wanna see you<br/>I wanna see you be brave</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just wanna see you<br/>I just wanna see you<br/>I just wanna see you<br/>I wanna see you be brave</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everybody's been there, everybody's been stared down<br/>By the enemy<br/>Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing<br/>Bow down to the mighty<br/>But don't run, stop holding your tongue<br/>Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live<br/>Maybe one of these days you can let the light in<br/>Show me how big your brave is</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Say what you wanna say<br/>And let the words fall out<br/>Honestly I wanna see you be brave</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With what you want to say<br/>And let the words fall out<br/>Honestly I wanna see you be brave</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Innocence, your history of silence<br/>Won't do you any good<br/>Did you think it would?<br/>Let your words be anything but empty<br/>Why don't you tell them the truth?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Say what you wanna say<br/>And let the words fall out<br/>Honestly I wanna see you be brave</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With what you want to say<br/>And let the words fall out<br/>Honestly I wanna see you be brave</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just wanna see you<br/>I just wanna see you<br/>I just wanna see you<br/>I wanna see you be brave</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just wanna see you<br/>I just wanna see you<br/>I just wanna see you<br/>See you be brave</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m not sure what the reactions to this story are going to be, but I thought it needed to be written.  I channeled a lot of my own experiences, thoughts, and feelings into this, so please be understanding of that. Thanks.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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